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When commitment isn’t enough

Keeping the romantic, idealized images of falling in love alive while undergoing the realities that have been brought about by time, is a sobering task for even the most committed couples.  Time, children, losses (interest, vitality, excitement) and sameness.  Good people in good relationships find themselves experiencing similar symptoms.  Symptoms that send nagging questions to each spouse – “What happened”?  “Is this all there is”?

Growing together is not as important as making the decision to evolve. Growth has been described as a developmental (think maturation) process.  You’ve done that.  To evolve is a powerful relational paradigm shift. This shift happens when the old model works no longer, and the evolution of a whole new relationship comes alive. Not attempting to “be like we used to be” but going forward in a new way.  Think of evolution in nature  —  constant testing to see what has the greatest ability to survive and thrive in a given environment.

The new relationship may look nothing like the old one.  A whole new emerging life of different qualities, roles and structure.  Evolution is different, exciting and thriving.

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  • brian November 19, 2009, 8:56 am

    I found this to be encouraging… an invitation to consider and be intentional about… not necessarily controlling the evolution, but trusting and traveling along with it.
    Thanks Nell

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